Friday, January 13, 2017

13 "I Had A Messed Up Day" Horror Movies (Streaming Now) By Sylvester Barzey

So you think you're having a bad day? Did you wake up late? Did you forget to pay a bill? Maybe you stepped in some dog poop? Yeah, well suck it up cupcake because whatever you're dealing with this Friday The 13th, you ain't got nothing on these 13 Messed Up Days in Horror

1. From Dusk Till Dawn (Netflix)
So picture this… you and your brother are just minding your business, going for a ride in your stolen RV with your hostages. Just trying to flee the crime scene you left behind when you come upon a bar with dollar beers, snake dancing women and, oh yeah… Vampires!

Nothing says "I had a Messed Up Day" like fighting your way out of Dracula's pub.

2. Hush (Netflix)
As a writer, I understand the need to be away from the world. I sometimes dream about how much work I can get done if I was locked away inside of a nice cabin in the woods.

Yet, as a writer, I also know nothing good comes from a story involving a cabin in the woods. Hush gives us the core parts of a classic horror: 

*Isolated location 
*Masked Killer
*Woman All Alone

Throw in the fact that the main character is deaf, and you have a whole new world of issues for her to face. This is a great movie about when a writer’s dream goes terribly wrong.

3. Cujo (Netflix)
You like dogs? Cool! You like rabies infested psycho dogs who trap you and your kid inside your car while you cry like there's no tomorrow while trying to avoid heatstroke?

No? What's wrong with you? 

Stephen King's Cujo needs no introduction… just see it or read it for the masterpiece it is before some sad "Man's Best Friend" rip off packaged as a remake comes out.

4. The Invitation (Netflix)
Your ex-wife invited you to dinner with her new boo.

Do we really have to go into why this guy is having a Messed Up Day? I mean really people....Your EX-WIFE!

5. Would You Rather (Netflix)
 Have you ever played "would you rather"? Apparently, it's a party game. I never went to parties as a kid but if this movie is a good reenactment of what went on, then I'm pretty happy I wasn't in with the “in crowd”.

This horror torture film surrounds a group of people playing a messed up game of "Would You Rather". The prize? Well, a life changing amount of cash! Duh!

Oh yeah… and you get to live. So winning would be cool but losing your eye to win makes this one Messed Up Day.

6. House Of Wax (Netflix)
Do you remember when those crazy Winchester boys left the impala behind for the shiny lights of Hollywood and Horror?

Dean did "My Bloody Valentine 3-D" and good old Sam gave us the “Friday The 13th” remake and "House Of Wax".  "House Of Wax" is where a group of Abercrombie & Fitch model looking teens go on a trip and end up in a ghost town with a pair of serial killer brothers who have an odd hobby of making life-like wax figures.

And can we really call it life-like when it's a person covered in wax? It feels like cheating.

7. Hard Candy (Netflix)
Okay, what happens in this movie is a Messed Up Day for sure… but he had it coming.

Let's be real people! I found myself saying award-winning commentary like:

"Oh My God!"

"Not There!"

"Why, Lord? Why?"

I can't say too much because I don't want to give it away but this guy has one Messed Up Day due to an odd little visitor.

8. Tales From The Darkside (Netflix)
This is a classic movie that's made up of some sweet, creepy tales that fans of the show will love. However, the award of Messed Up Day goes to the kid reading every story he can think of to avoid being eaten by a witch.

SPOILER ALERT: He was in a cage the whole movie! This Arabian Nights twist of a movie hits the spot for all of you "Twilight Zone" "Tales From The Crypt" & "Tales From The Dark side" fans.

 9. The Collector (Amazon Prime)
Horror Basics:

Big House + Isolated Family + Masked Killer = One Messed Up Day!

A family with some dysfunction issues has a whole new set of problems when a crazed serial killer makes them his next target. 

One hellish night of home invasion and torture can turn anyone's day into a pretty Messed Up Day.

10. Tusk (Amazon Prime)
I saw this movie once and, while it takes place in more than one day, it had to be added because:

It was made by the man, the myth, the legend, Kevin Smith 
It's just sick! I swear I wasn't right after I watched it! What the hell was wrong with that guy? Go watch and tell me your opinion because I'm still wondering.

11. Last Shift (Netflix)
Everyone has a hard time on their first day at a new job. Someone forgets your name, you get lost, you sit alone at lunch.

Now, that's all sad, but did you have to guard an abandoned police department… alone? 

OH! So that’s not too bad of a day, huh? Oh yeah! I forgot to mention the Manson family wannabes who were murdered in that same building years ago and are now back looking for blue blood.

But yeah, I'm sorry. Joe forgot your name.

12. Tucker & Dale Vs Evil (Netflix)

This all happens in more than one day but it's a series of Messed Up days for everyone involved.

College kids dying left and right… hillbillies being questioned for murder.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think I remember a dog being kidnaped.

13. Stalled (Netflix)

Now I had to end it with a zombie movie because, well duh! While there are a few zombie movies that take place in a day like Rec, Night Of The Living Dead, The Hoard, and Shaun Of The Dead (which are all awesome movies you guys should check out), I decided to go with Stalled. It’s a light-hearted Horror-Comedy about a handy man turned crook who gets trapped in a bathroom stall during the zombie apocalypse.

Why did I pick this? I honestly don't have a reason besides the fact that it's funny and they took Doghouse down.

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a better day than the people in these movies. Sit down and watch a horror movie and

Have A Happy Friday The 13th!

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